Wednesday, April 15, 2009
For shame...I realize as I type this that it has been 11 days since my last post. I've been recovering from the Easter rush in my shop and also doing some much needed work on myself. Some of you may know that I have been a sufferer of panic attacks for a number of years. At the beginning of the year, I made a vow to myself that I would really dive in and get better...calmer...rid myself of the fear...start eating better...exercise...think good thoughts instead of the self defeating ones that have become such a nasty habit. I can actually say that I am healing gradually. I have stopped eating much of the refined sugar items that made me so happy just a few months ago. Now instead of eating a batch of cupcakes...I'm making cookies with whole grains, oats, and applesauce for sweetener instead of sugar when I want a little treat. Throw in some dark chocolate chips and I dare you to say they taste "healthy". The cravings have gone away for the most part. I did indulge quite a bit on Easter, but Monday I was back to better choices. I have never been much of a meat eater, so that has been easy to cut back on. I have been practicing yoga daily...sometimes twice a day. There have been a few days where I was lazy and opted out, but I have been good about not being hard on myself and just getting back to it the next day. I have started going to a weekly meditation or satsangha on Wednesday nights at The Om Center...in the Old Market. I am so much calmer...the nights where I wake up in a state of panic...not being able to breathe with my heart pounding are becoming less and less. If it does happen, I am able to get myself out of it soon. For me it has been a retraining of my mind...to stop thinking the catastrophic thoughts and only let the good in. I have learned how to self soothe and I don't find myself needing to wake my poor husband up every time I am struggling. I find myself not being so short tempered with my family...or with the pets. I notice a feeling of overall calm that carries me through the day. This past weekend should have been incredibly stressful for me as I always host Easter at my house and the preparations alone get me in a tizzy...add the thought of my entire family all in one place...and me worrying about whether or not everyone will get along and "play nice" and you have a recipe for one big panic attack. How's that for a run-on sentence? I was pleasantly surprised to see, though, that I was amazingly calm and steady. I even gave up the idea that it was up to me to make sure everyone was enjoying themselves and getting along. So here are some pictures from Easter and our little celebration...and here's to a continutation...of peace, of calm, of centerdness. Wishing these things for all of you.