Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Deadbeat Blogger

For shame...I realize as I type this that it has been 11 days since my last post. I've been recovering from the Easter rush in my shop and also doing some much needed work on myself. Some of you may know that I have been a sufferer of panic attacks for a number of years. At the beginning of the year, I made a vow to myself that I would really dive in and get better...calmer...rid myself of the fear...start eating better...exercise...think good thoughts instead of the self defeating ones that have become such a nasty habit. I can actually say that I am healing gradually. I have stopped eating much of the refined sugar items that made me so happy just a few months ago. Now instead of eating a batch of cupcakes...I'm making cookies with whole grains, oats, and applesauce for sweetener instead of sugar when I want a little treat. Throw in some dark chocolate chips and I dare you to say they taste "healthy". The cravings have gone away for the most part. I did indulge quite a bit on Easter, but Monday I was back to better choices. I have never been much of a meat eater, so that has been easy to cut back on. I have been practicing yoga daily...sometimes twice a day. There have been a few days where I was lazy and opted out, but I have been good about not being hard on myself and just getting back to it the next day. I have started going to a weekly meditation or satsangha on Wednesday nights at The Om the Old Market. I am so much calmer...the nights where I wake up in a state of panic...not being able to breathe with my heart pounding are becoming less and less. If it does happen, I am able to get myself out of it soon. For me it has been a retraining of my stop thinking the catastrophic thoughts and only let the good in. I have learned how to self soothe and I don't find myself needing to wake my poor husband up every time I am struggling. I find myself not being so short tempered with my family...or with the pets. I notice a feeling of overall calm that carries me through the day. This past weekend should have been incredibly stressful for me as I always host Easter at my house and the preparations alone get me in a tizzy...add the thought of my entire family all in one place...and me worrying about whether or not everyone will get along and "play nice" and you have a recipe for one big panic attack. How's that for a run-on sentence? I was pleasantly surprised to see, though, that I was amazingly calm and steady. I even gave up the idea that it was up to me to make sure everyone was enjoying themselves and getting along. So here are some pictures from Easter and our little celebration...and here's to a continutation...of peace, of calm, of centerdness. Wishing these things for all of you.


  1. Your home is absolutely charming!! Looks like an older home with character?? My favorite kind! I love the color of your kitchen. Love the lamb cake, and of course the cupcakes. :) I'm assuming the blonde is your daughter - and she looks SO cute! I read your story about your panic attacks. I actually have 3 other friends with extreme anxiety, so I know it can be miserable. I'll pray that you will be able to conquer it, although it sounds like you're on your way! :)

  2. Oh thank you so much! They can really be a difficult thing. It is amazing how common it is. I think they have always been common, but people just didn't used to feel okay talking about them. Thank you for the prayers...I'll take all I can get. :)

    The blond is my niece Chloe. The little boy is my nephew, Liam. My daugher, Savanna, is 14 and pretty much stayed out of sight of my camera on Easter. Although, you can get a glimpse of her in the first picture...if you look out the window you can see her on the porch swing.

    Thanks for the compliments on my house. It is an old house...built in 1914. I just love all of it's creaks and groans. It is a work in progress. So many things I still want to do. The color in the kitchen was a pleasant surprise. I picked a green that looked different on the it home...up it went, and I liked it even more.
    Hope you are having a great day!

  3. Rene, you have so a beautiful home and wonderful sense of style. I love these pictures. Including the new picture of you!

    I too am a sufferer of panic attacks, I've worked hard the last few years to diminish them, but there must be some trick I'm missing. Hopefully we both find the secret to mental health. ;) *hugs*

  4. Hi! Love the wonderful pictures of your home and the yummy Easter treats! I am a big fan of your amazing creations! I have problems from time to time with anxiety, and know how hard it can be! You shared it so nicely! Have a lovely weekend! ~Mandy PS~ I love ~Patch~ the kitty!

  5. Rene, your home is really gorgeous and soo very cozy!! Your easter celebrations looks soo nice and fun..wish i live closer! hehe
    I'm glad your taking good care of yourself and that you found ways to be clamer when panic attacks! Thank you for sharing this with all of helps lots as i too sometimes suffer from panic attacks.
    Hope your having a good lovely merry happy weekend and love to you and yours! *hugz tight* Missing you...

  6. Hi Jqline...your message made me so happy...they always do. So glad to hear that you found something I said useful about your panic attacks. It amazes me how many of us suffer from them. Always here if you want to talk. :) I miss you too. I look at little Pickle every now and then and think how lucky I am to have a friend like matter how far away.

    Much love,

  7. Now don't be down on yourself because of your sporadic blog posts. It is your blog!
    And your home and children are beautiful, that is where your time has been well spent!
    I'm loving the lamb cake, too cute! I did a 3D cake of a bear for both of my boys' 1st b'days. It took me like 3 hours to ice it each time.

    I want to come to your next Easter party!